#1The Monologue
President Trump signed an executive order this week renaming artificial intelligence to "Super Intelligence" across the entire executive branch, on the grounds that it "sounds much better." Federal agencies have been instructed to no longer acknowledge the term "AI" at all — which is, technically, the first time in history a government has solved a problem by refusing to make eye contact with it. Re: CNBC
Anthropic's leaked IPO prospectus warns investors that its own AI models could pose "catastrophic or existential risks to humanity." The document spends eighty pages on the risks and forty-eight on the actual business. So they're valuing the company at two trillion dollars, and roughly two-thirds of the paperwork is a letter of apology — written in advance. Re: Forbes
Google has begun paying about a hundred publishers when their journalism meaningfully contributes to an AI-generated answer. Some outlets have cleared a million dollars. Others are pulling in under a thousand a month — which means somewhere out there is a newsroom that got a check from Google, opened it… and had to decide whether cashing it was worth the trip. Re: Search Engine Journal
Monroe Township police in Gloucester County, New Jersey took a large loose tortoise into custody after it was spotted wandering near Church and Academy streets, and are now looking for its owner.
On the A381 near Salcombe in Devon, a man attempting to herd an escaped emu named Side Neck back through a gate was wrestled to the ground by the bird, on camera, in front of an alpaca.
Katmai National Park crowned Bear 89, known as Backpack, the 2026 Fat Bear Week champion after more than 103,000 championship-round votes and 2.5 million votes overall.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Toys R Us To Open 120 Stores To Appeal To Adult Collectors' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/toys-r-us-to-open-120-stores-to-appeal-to-adult-collectors/
'Starbucks Workers Freeze In Awestruck Wonder As Man Orders Something Called A Black Coffee' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/starbucks-workers-freeze-in-awestruck-wonder-as-man-orders-something-called-a-black-coffee/
'Trump administration quits European corruption group after discovering members are actually trying to stop corruption' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/09/30/trump-administration-quits-european-corruption-group-after-discovering-members-are-actually-trying-to-stop-corruption/
'Flock CEO Insists Company's Data Only Shared With FBI, DHS, NSA, DOJ, CIA and REO Speedwagon' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/culture/flock-ceo-insists-companys-data-only-shared-with-fbi-dhs-nsa-doj-cia-and-reo-speedwagon/
Evansville Animal Care and Control, the Vanderburgh County Sheriff's Office, and a rescue group cornered a large loose hog in a resident's yard after a 4 a.m. dispatch call about a pig standing in the middle of Harmony Way.
#7The Groaner
I tried to catch some fog this morning. Mist.
