#1The Monologue
Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei published a thirty-nine-hundred word essay this weekend calling for a global slowdown in AI development, and it was immediately cosigned by Sam Altman, Demis Hassabis, and Elon Musk. Four men who agree on nothing finally found the one thing that unites them — the fear that they've already done it. Re: Anthropic, OpenAI CEOs call for slowdown in AI development — Axios
The EPA is set to formally rescind carbon pollution standards for coal and gas power plants, timed to coincide with a G20 energy ministers' meeting in Houston. Nothing says "we've considered your concerns" quite like scheduling the repeal for the exact week the world's energy ministers are in town — it's the regulatory equivalent of breaking up with someone at their own birthday party. Re: EPA poised to repeal carbon standards for coal, gas power plants — The Spokesman-Review
In the NFL, Week One's biggest favorite, the Los Angeles Chargers, lost outright on their home turf to the Arizona Cardinals. Vegas has now opened an investigation into whatever it is the Chargers think they're doing... which, to be fair, is the same investigation Chargers fans have been running since 1961. Re: Week 2 NFL Power Rankings — Sportsnaut
A bat got aboard a ScotRail commuter service running from Gourock to Glasgow Central on Saturday, first appearing near Bogston and then swooping through the carriage while passengers ducked. A ScotRail employee waved a Saltire flag at it until it landed in the luggage rack, and a passenger waving his hat eventually shooed it out the open doors.
An emu escaped a petting zoo in Ramapo, New York at around 8:45 in the morning on September 12th, prompting a multi-officer response from Ramapo police. The department deployed its Drone as First Responder unit to track the bird from the air, and the emu was escorted home with what police described as no injuries and no citations.
David Rush, who holds more concurrent Guinness World Records titles than any living person, folded 415 qualifying paper airplanes in sixty minutes at a YMCA in Boise, Idaho — an average of 8.67 seconds each. Guinness required a strict seven-fold process, witnesses to verify every plane, and a separate crew to throw each one far enough to count.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
"NFL Announces One Player On Each Team Now Gets To Drive A Car" — The Onion, https://theonion.com/nfl-announces-one-player-on-each-team-now-gets-to-drive-a-car/
"God Horrified To Find Humans Eating Sacred, Omniscient Potatoes" — The Onion, https://theonion.com/god-horrified-to-find-humans-eating-sacred-omniscient-potatoes/
"Baptist Church Potluck Awarded Michelin Star" — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/baptist-church-potluck-awarded-michelin-star
"Ew, Really? Apparently the Band From 'Guitar Hero: Aerosmith' Actually Exists" — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/blog/ew-really-apparently-the-band-from-guitar-hero-aerosmith-actually-exists/
A loose moose wandered onto the tracks between Warsaw West and Warsaw Central stations on Sunday evening, delaying commuter service through the Polish capital. Rail operator PLK confirmed the interruption on social media.
#7The Groaner
I used to make paper airplanes for a living. Then I lost the job — the company folded.
