#1The Monologue
Apple's foldable iPhone Duo goes on sale today, starting at two thousand dollars and topping out at three thousand for the two-terabyte model. Apple says the hinge is rated for hundreds of thousands of folds — which is convenient, because that's roughly how many times you'll open and close your banking app trying to figure out how you paid for it. Re: MacRumors — iPhone 18 Release Schedule
Stephen Curry confirmed this week that his first Li-Ning signature shoe won't arrive until early next year, and until then he'll be wearing shoes designed by Jimmy Butler and Dwyane Wade. So the greatest shooter in basketball history is currently playing in hand-me-downs — from guys he beat. Re: CNBC — Curry says Li-Ning signature shoe debuts early next year
Canada announced this week it's excited to move closer to the European Union, having reviewed Britain's ten-year experiment with doing the exact opposite. It's the first time in recorded history that a country has looked at another country's homework — and then deliberately written down the other answer. Re: NewsThump
Two male chimpanzees, aged 44 and 11, forced open an unbolted door Thursday afternoon and toured the giraffe exhibit and the lion enclosure before being tranquilized and returned to their beds by eight that evening.
Rescuers responded to the Holtsville Ecology Center Friday after a group of girls found an alligator wandering a walking trail and kept it contained until experts arrived. Officials believe someone abandoned it there.
A collector arrived late to a Michigan estate sale in July and paid thirty dollars for a painting hanging in the hallway to the garage. It's a long-lost Gertrude Abercrombie, and it goes to auction October 1 with an estimate up to a quarter million dollars.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Landlord Takes Hornets' Side' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/landlord-takes-hornets-side/
'Husband In Critical Condition After Attempting Two Minutes Of Beginner's Yoga' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/husband-in-critical-condition-after-attempting-two-minutes-of-beginners-yoga/
'Ed Sheeran's Ginger Hair Leaves Tour In Solidarity With Its Fellow Persecuted Minorities' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/09/18/ed-sheerans-ginger-hair-leaves-tour-in-solidarity-with-its-fellow-persecuted-minorities/
'Wanted: Graphic Designer To Fix Our AI-Generated Show Flyer' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/blog/wanted-graphic-designer-to-fix-our-ai-generated-show-flyer/
A Norfolk, Virginia woman kept spotting the numbers 0-8-1-1-6 everywhere, including on license plates, and decided the universe was trying to tell her something. She bought two Pick 5 tickets, hit both, and collected a hundred thousand dollars.
#7The Groaner
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
