#1The Monologue
The Milwaukee Brewers swept the Dodgers out of the National League Championship Series and are headed to their first World Series in forty-four years. Milwaukee's last trip was in 1982 — so roughly half the city is now explaining the infield fly rule to the other half for the first time. Re: ESPN — Brewers sweep Dodgers in NLCS, advance to 1st World Series in 44 years
A broad sell-off in technology stocks dragged Wall Street lower Friday, capping the market's worst week since late June. Analysts blamed overvaluation in artificial intelligence — which, to be fair, is the first thing the AI has ever gotten right. Re: BNN Bloomberg — U.S. markets weighed down by extended sell-off in the tech sector
Apple is expected to close out October with a touchscreen MacBook Pro, a new iPad Mini, and an M6 iMac. So after fifteen years of insisting nobody wants to touch a laptop screen — Apple has discovered that people want to touch the laptop screen. Re: Business Today — Apple October 2026 launches
A black bear wandered into the Mammoth Lakes branch of the Mono County Free Libraries around 6 a.m. Wednesday — the 100th anniversary of Winnie-the-Pooh's first appearance — and went straight for the staff snack supply, including one jar of honey. No books were harmed and no shelves were toppled.
Guinness World Records has confirmed that Jenny, an American saddlebred from Spring Valley, Ohio, has the longest tail on a horse, measuring thirteen feet six inches. Her keepers spend four to five hours unbraiding, washing, drying, detangling, and re-braiding it.
The Yonkers Police Department released video of officers cornering an escaped baby goat that got through a damaged fence and began chasing students around the playground of the DiChiaro School. Students cheered "let's go cops" as the goat was taken into custody and returned home.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'New Evidence Suggests Amelia Earhart Was Accepted Into Crab Society' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/new-evidence-suggests-amelia-earhart-was-accepted-into-crab-society/
'Whalefall Star Stuns On Red Carpet In 40,000-Gallon Tank' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/whalefall-star-stuns-on-red-carpet-in-40000-gallon-tank/
'Spooky! For Halloween This Year, Family Decorates House To Look Like Data Center' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/spooky-for-halloween-this-year-family-decorates-house-to-look-like-data-center/
'Dodgers Announce Purchase Of Milwaukee Brewers' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/dodgers-announce-purchase-of-milwaukee-brewers/
The California Highway Patrol's Santa Cruz office fielded multiple calls about an emu walking into traffic near Harper Street and 17th Avenue. The bird's owner showed up and troopers helped corral it; CHP noted that while they often deal with dogs, cats, deer, and occasionally birds, "an emu was unexpected."
#7The Groaner
I used to hate facial hair — but then it grew on me.
