#1The Monologue
The Labor Department reported today that the U.S. economy added just 29,000 jobs in September, well short of the 84,000 economists predicted. Economists are now reviewing their methodology, which — as far as anyone can tell — consists of saying a bigger number and hoping. Re: U.S. adds only 29,000 jobs in lackluster September report — The Washington Times
Google launched a refrigerator-sized satellite full of AI chips into orbit this week, the first step toward putting data centers in space. The company says the goal is scalable machine learning infrastructure beyond Earth's atmosphere — which is a very elegant way of saying they've moved the server closet somewhere nobody can hear it make that noise. Re: Google launches Project Suncatcher, a step towards AI data centers in space — NPR
And Katmai National Park has crowned the winner of Fat Bear Week. A bear known as Backpack took the title with more than one hundred three thousand votes, making it the only election this year where everybody accepted the result. Re: Backpack voted Fat Bear Week 2026 winner — CBS News
A painting purchased for thirty dollars at an estate sale turned out to be a long-lost work by Chicago artist Gertrude Abercrombie, and sold at auction for one point three five million dollars.
Animal services in Prince George County, Virginia captured a loose emu after a pursuit. No owner has come forward to claim the bird.
A collector in Hungary earned a Guinness World Record for the world's largest energy drink can collection, with roughly two thousand cans. The hobby began with a single can on a hot day in August 2008.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Letterboxd Holds Seance To Ask James Dean His 4 Favorite Movies' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/letterboxd-holds-seance-to-ask-james-dean-his-4-favorite-movies/
'Woman survives two minutes in Primark' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/02/woman-survives-two-minutes-in-primark/
'Corn Maze Haunted Predominantly by Theatre Majors' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/culture/corn-maze-haunted-predominantly-by-theatre-majors/
'Sunday School Kid Had Different Expectations For Sword Drills' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/sunday-school-kid-had-different-expectations-for-sword-drills/
A cow escaped from a livestock auction in Polk County, Florida and brought highway traffic to a halt before being corralled.
#7The Groaner
My wife asked me to please stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe.
