The Lighter Side — Saturday, October 17, 2026 at 4:15 PM

#1The Monologue

Treasury confirmed the federal deficit for fiscal 2026 came in at one-point-nine-nine trillion dollars. Not two trillion — one-point-nine-nine, which is the same trick they pull at the gas pump. Re: CNBC

Tesla unveiled a Roadster with SpaceX thrusters that hopped over a Cybertruck, and is taking deposits of up to two hundred fifty thousand dollars. The FAA reviewed the footage and ruled it is not an aircraft — so whatever happens after liftoff is between you and physics. Re: Fortune

Game 4 of the ALCS in Cleveland was postponed by rain, the first ALCS postponement since 2019. Baseball has added a pitch clock, a ghost runner, and larger bases — and remains completely undefended against water. Re: NBC Sports

#2Emu Takes A Jog Through Santa Cruz Traffic

An escaped emu was filmed weaving in and out of moving traffic on a Santa Cruz County road, and the California Highway Patrol was called in to wrangle it.

#3Ohio Horse Has The World's Longest Tail

Guinness World Records has confirmed that an Ohio horse possesses the longest horse tail on the planet, measured at thirteen feet, six inches.

#4A Black Market Has Formed For In-N-Out Delivery

Because In-N-Out refuses to join delivery apps, Southern Californians are hiring strangers on Facebook Marketplace to fetch burgers, paying up to fifty dollars in courier fees — and some are simply getting scammed.

#5Meanwhile, In Satire

'New Evidence Suggests Amelia Earhart Was Accepted Into Crab Society' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/new-evidence-suggests-amelia-earhart-was-accepted-into-crab-society/

'Trump Criticized For Choosing New Press Secretary Jessica Rabbit' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-criticized-for-choosing-new-press-secretary-jessica-rabbit/

'Gullible simpleton gives Tesla five-grand deposit for flying car that will never, ever be delivered' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/17/gullible-simpleton-gives-tesla-five-grand-deposit-for-flying-car-that-will-never-ever-be-delivered/

'Punk Over 35 Just Needs Phone, Keys, Wallet, Ear Plugs, Tums, Insoles, and Neck Fan to Go to Show' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/music/punk-hardcore/punk-over-35-just-needs-phone-keys-wallet-ear-plugs-tums-insoles-and-neck-fan-to-go-to-show/

#6Philadelphia Holds A Scrapple Sculpting Contest

Amateur sculptors at Reading Terminal Market each got six pounds of scrapple and ninety minutes to make art; the judges' prize went to a carving of Philbert the pig, the market's own mascot.

#7The Groaner

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.