#1The Monologue
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella says advanced AI needs an "emergency brake" that only a human can pull. Which is reassuring — right up until you remember the last time a human was trusted with a big red button, it was a drive-thru intercom, and we got the wrong order. Re: CNBC — Microsoft's Nadella says AI needs an 'emergency brake' that humans control
The NBA announced it may roll out a "smart ball" next season — a basketball with a one-gram Bluetooth chip in the air valve that tracks spin and out-of-bounds touches. Commissioner Adam Silver says players couldn't tell the difference… so now the ball is the only participant in the arena with nothing to hide. Re: CNBC — NBA commissioner Adam Silver says league could introduce 'smart ball' technology as soon as next year
Retailers from BJ's Wholesale to Lululemon are cutting product lines to protect their margins — Under Armour has trimmed a quarter of its items and plans to trim another quarter. The strategy is simple: offer you less, and then — once you've stopped expecting things — charge you more for it. Re: CNBC — From BJ's to Lululemon, retailers are trimming assortments to boost business
An official Guinness World Record attempt for most people dressed as Spider-Man drew hundreds of costumed fans to New York Comic Con on Friday, organized by Jazwares and Disney Consumer Products. They finished 36 short of the 685-person record set in Malaysia in 2023.
The Bitty Kitty Brigade brought about two dozen orphaned kittens — named things like Lottie Dottie, Mouth Trap and Funnel Cake — through the Sea Life aquarium at the Mall of America for a two-hour socialization field trip. Some sprinted the 300-foot underwater tunnel to stare down a sand tiger shark; others simply took a nap.
An opossum in North Carolina ended up suspended in a tree after getting caught on a fishing hook. Rescuers freed the animal, which was reported to be in good shape.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Starbucks Announces New Teen-Free Hours For Nervous Adults Who Just Want To Redeem Birthday Reward' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/starbucks-announces-new-teen-free-hours-for-nervous-adults-who-just-want-to-redeem-birthday-reward/
'Plastic Bag That Blew Into Modern Art Museum Sells For $10 Million' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/plastic-bag-that-blew-into-modern-art-museum-sells-for-10-million/
'Adidas sues snotty-nosed kid who wiped two green stripes down sleeve of school jumper' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/09/adidas-sues-snotty-nosed-kid-who-wiped-two-green-stripes-down-sleeve-of-school-jumper/
'Jeep Owner With Not All Who Wander Are Lost Tire Cover Proudly Hasn't Left Home State in 30 Years' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/culture/jeep-owner-with-not-all-who-wander-are-lost-tire-cover-proudly-hasnt-left-home-state-in-30-years/
Dade City police were dispatched after callers reported a roadway blockage and arrived to find an alligator parked in traffic, taking its time. Officers advised it to return to the water; it complied, and no citation was issued.
#7The Groaner
I tried to catch some fog this morning. Mist.
