#1The Monologue
PepsiCo recalled more than 122,000 cases of Gatorade this week because four flavors contained yellow dyes that weren't on the label. So the lemon-lime was, in fact — lemon-lime colored, without permission. Re: The Washington Post
The U.S. trade deficit jumped nearly fourteen percent in August to a hundred and five point six billion dollars, driven largely by record imports of AI chips. We are now running a historic deficit so that our computers can tell us to drink more water. Re: UPI
Google Cloud rolled out a Gemini agent across Workspace that can coordinate multi-step tasks with full access to your Gmail, your Calendar, and your Drive. Finally, something to read the emails I have been ignoring on purpose — and act on them. Re: Solutions Review
A 25-year-old in a Batman costume chased down a suspected handbag thief outside a Norwich nightclub with friends dressed as Poison Ivy and Mister Fantastic, then climbed the wall of Norwich Cathedral to retrieve the bag.
Hundreds of fans in Spider-Man costumes gathered at New York Comic Con on Thursday for an official Guinness World Records attempt, and counted 649 against a target of 685. Variant suits were disqualified.
A British grower broke his own Guinness World Record when his giant pumpkin officially weighed in at 2,856.8 pounds. He is, by trade, a man who grows one vegetable very large.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Starbucks Announces New Teen-Free Hours For Nervous Adults Who Just Want To Redeem Birthday Reward' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/starbucks-announces-new-teen-free-hours-for-nervous-adults-who-just-want-to-redeem-birthday-reward/
'Grinning Teppanyaki Chef Clearly Has Something Clever Planned For Onion' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/grinning-teppanyaki-chef-clearly-has-something-clever-planned-for-onion
'Adidas sues snotty-nosed kid who wiped two green stripes down sleeve of school jumper' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/09/adidas-sues-snotty-nosed-kid-who-wiped-two-green-stripes-down-sleeve-of-school-jumper/
'Jam Band Fan Swears They Like Good Music Too' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/music/jam-band-fan-swears-they-like-good-music-too/
Spring Hill, Kansas firefighters borrowed a catch pole from police to retrieve Tasslehoff, a nine-year-old, three-foot pet iguana who had been loose for a week and was perched forty feet up a tree.
#7The Groaner
What do you call a pumpkin that lifts weights? A jacked-o'-lantern.
