#1The Monologue
Etsy announced this week that it's banning AI-generated recipes and crochet patterns from its marketplace, and will now require sellers to post at least one unedited photo of the actual finished item. Which means the handmade-goods website has officially instituted a stricter proof-of-work standard... than most of the United States court system. Re: CNBC
Moving on. Engineers at MIT have built a paper-thin robot, roughly the size of a stick of chewing gum, that swims through water using living muscle cells that contract whenever you shine a light on them. Researchers say the technology could someday explore environments too fragile for conventional machines — or, more realistically, it could be sold to you in a four-pack at a gas station. Re: MIT News
In other news. A newly published study tracked thirty-seven bird species across five European countries and found that urban birds consistently flee sooner when approached by a woman than by a man. Scientists have not yet determined the cause, though several of the birds declined to comment... citing an ongoing pattern of being asked to explain themselves. Re: ScienceDaily
Two pelicans named Joey and Felicity escaped the Pittsburgh Zoo and Aquarium and spent roughly a full day at large before being recaptured by staff. Zoo officials confirmed both birds are back in their enclosure and in good health.
A cow squeezed through a head gate at Hidden Waters Farm in Pikesville, Maryland, led police through a residential neighborhood, fled into the woods, and then emerged onto Interstate 695, where she was filmed running in the right lane. Traffic slowed considerably.
Glasgow's Kelvingrove Museum removed Egyptian mummies from public display after officials determined there was no informed consent on file from the deceased individuals. Critics have called the decision, among other things, educational stupidity.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Kids to dress as PHP in most terrifying Halloween ever' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/22/kids-to-dress-as-php-in-most-terrifying-halloween-ever/
'We're like a family here, explains boss who would apparently make his own children redundant to protect quarterly bonus' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/23/were-like-a-family-here-explains-boss-who-would-apparently-make-his-own-children-redundant-to-protect-quarterly-bonus/
'Nurse Wakes Sleeping New Mom For 17th Time To Remind Her To Get Some Rest' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/nurse-wakes-sleeping-new-mom-for-17th-time-to-remind-her-to-get-some-rest
'Opinion: Anyone Who Would Trust Their Life to a Tesla Flying Car Absolutely Should' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/blog/opinion-anyone-who-would-trust-their-life-to-a-tesla-flying-car-absolutely-should/
Miami fitness coach Lilian Zamora Alonso earned a Guinness World Record at Miami Iron Gym for the heaviest weighted hip thrust by a woman, moving 639 pounds. The record was officially confirmed this week.
#7The Groaner
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She leaned in and whispered, "They're right behind you."
