#1The Monologue
The President has named intelligence chief Jay Clayton as the nation's new AI czar, putting him in charge of something the White House is officially calling the Super Intelligence Force — a name chosen, apparently, by someone who has never once been told no. Re: NBC News
Meta's new AI assistant, Muse, is the number one free app in the country, and analysts say the only thing left is getting people to use it more than once. So it's the number one app in America — and also a gym membership. Re: CNBC
The FDA has recalled more than 122,000 cases of Gatorade because four flavors contained yellow food dyes that were not listed on the label. Officials stress the drink is still safe — it's just the first sports beverage to be recalled for being too yellow. Re: The Washington Post
Ian Paton of England broke his own Guinness World Record with a pumpkin named Bagheera, officially weighed October 3 at 2,856.8 pounds. He has now beaten himself at this twice.
The European Space Agency released video of a plush Pikachu in a tiny astronaut suit touring the International Space Station with astronaut Sophie Adenot. The toy logged 67 days in orbit and roughly 1,040 trips around Earth.
A kangaroo got loose from a petting zoo at the Saline County Fairgrounds on Saturday after a child left a gate open, and spent a full day at large. Police, animal control and two helpful bystanders returned it safely on Sunday.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Ted Lasso Fans Told That Show Going Bye-Bye For A Bit' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/ted-lasso-fans-told-that-show-going-bye-bye-for-a-bit/
'McDonald's Reduces Entire Global Workforce To 27 Kiosks And A Guy Named José' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/mcdonalds-reduces-entire-global-workforce-to-27-kiosks-and-a-guy-named-jos
'Woman Survives Two Minutes In Primark' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/02/woman-survives-two-minutes-in-primark/
'Jam Band Fan Swears They Like Good Music Too' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/music/jam-band-fan-swears-they-like-good-music-too/
Charlotte-Mecklenburg police in North Carolina pulled over two men transporting a sofa down a public road balanced across a pair of electric scooters. The couch was, by all accounts, comfortable.
#7The Groaner
I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat. She said it rang a bell — but she wasn't sure whether it was there or not.
