#1The Monologue
Tech stocks tumbled Thursday, with the Nasdaq dropping 2.6 percent as investors finally asked out loud whether anyone is ever going to make money from artificial intelligence. Meta spent nearly thirty-five billion dollars on AI in a single quarter and posted the first negative free cash flow in company history — so the machines are learning, mostly how to spend. Re: US tech stocks tumble as investors fret over AI spending — Al Jazeera
The Milwaukee Brewers took Game 1 of the World Series over Tampa Bay, three to two, on a play that was ruled a game-ending double play until replay showed the fielder's foot had left the bag. Baseball spent a hundred and fifty years perfecting the art of a man yelling "out," and we now resolve it with a committee in New York — watching a shoe. Re: Brewers win Game 1 of the World Series — CNN
Circuit of the Americas kicked off Formula One's United States Grand Prix weekend by unveiling the world's largest cowboy hat, a forty-seven-foot fiberglass sculpture certified by Guinness World Records. There's a fully operational bar underneath it... because the only thing Texas thought the world's largest hat was missing — was alcohol directly beneath it. Re: COTA unveils world's largest cowboy hat ahead of 2026 F1 Grand Prix — Austin American-Statesman
Two pelicans named Joey and Felicity caught a gust of wind strong enough to lift them out of their hilltop habitat at the Pittsburgh Zoo and Aquarium, despite clipped wings, and spent roughly a day loose along the Allegheny River. Recapture required boats from Pittsburgh River Rescue, Three Rivers Waterkeeper, the Army Corps of Engineers, the National Aviary, and more than a dozen phone calls from the public.
Authorities in Santa Cruz, California corralled an escaped emu running through city streets, just days after the California Highway Patrol rounded up a completely different emu near Harper Street and 17th Avenue. The sheriff's office confirmed these were two separate birds with two separate owners.
A cow squeezed through a head gate at Hidden Waters Farm in Pikesville, Maryland, crossed several neighbors' yards, vanished into the woods, and re-emerged in the right lane of Interstate 695. Police and a second farm owner cornered her against the Jersey wall and roped her; she was exhausted but uninjured.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Powerball Adds Essay Section' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/powerball-adds-essay-section/
'Nurse Wakes Sleeping New Mom For 17th Time To Remind Her To Get Some Rest' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/nurse-wakes-sleeping-new-mom-for-17th-time-to-remind-her-to-get-some-rest/
'New podcast set to investigate why there are so many podcasts' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/23/new-podcast-set-to-investigate-why-there-are-so-many-podcasts/
'Bon Iver Reveals Skinny Love About Snapping Into a Slim Jim' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/music/indie/bon-iver-reveals-skinny-love-about-snapping-into-a-slim-jim/
A pet caiman that escaped an owner's home in August was finally spotted in a Cleveland County, Oklahoma creek and captured by hand by the sheriff's night shift, with the whole thing recorded on body camera. The animal had been conducting nightly excursions for nearly two months before deputies and the caiman locked eyes one last time.
#7The Groaner
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey — but I turned myself around.
