The Lighter Side — Sunday, August 16, 2026 at 4:15 PM

#1The Monologue

Jared Kushner flew to Egypt for a rare face-to-face with Hamas leadership Sunday to advance a new fifteen-point Gaza road map, ahead of a meeting with Netanyahu on Monday. For a former Manhattan real estate developer, his contact list has taken a direction...that nobody really mapped out in advance. Re: NPR

A spent SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket stage crashed unintentionally into the moon last month, creating a crater eighteen meters wide. SpaceX confirmed no one was on board...which, given the trajectory, may be the company's single greatest engineering achievement to date. Re: NPR

A technology CEO has formally pitched humanoid robots to the Department of Homeland Security for use patrolling the southern border. The robots are described as agile, relentless, and — the part that sealed the pitch — unable to unionize. Re: Fox News

#2Spider-Man Screening Cleared by Invisible Supervillain

Hundreds of moviegoers in Cartagena, Colombia fled a screening of Spider-Man: Brand New Day in early August after an unidentified odor of flatulence forced the evacuation of the auditorium. The culprit was never identified — only the consequence, which was a full lobby and an empty theater.

#3Welsh Grim Reaper Arrested, Claims He Was a Crow

Leon Gillespie, 26, of Deganwy, North Wales, was arrested and fined £200 after spending fifty minutes on the roof of a hospital in a black hooded costume with a scythe, staring silently into patient rooms. His defense in court was that the costume was not the Grim Reaper — it was a bird.

#4Australian Family Returns Library Book 150 Years Late

A homeowner in Kiama, New South Wales discovered an 1858 edition of Antiquities of Athens bricked inside his fireplace during a renovation. Returned to the local library this summer, the volume carries an overdue fine — at original 1870s rates of three pence per week — of roughly $19,500 USD. The library waived it.

#5Meanwhile, In Satire

'Oh, Crap: Government Threatens To Fix Something' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/oh-crap-government-threatens-to-fix-something

'Kentucky Derby Convenes Committee To Determine What Is A Horse' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/kentucky-derby-convenes-committee-to-determine-what-is-a-horse

'Adorable Dog Mayor of Small Town Approves Data Center' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/culture/adorable-dog-mayor-of-small-town-approves-data-center/

'Mailman Too Old To Be Out There' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/mailman-too-old-to-be-out-there/

#6Florida Steakhouse Offers Nude Dining, Says It's Classy

C.L.A.S.S. Soiree Steakhouse in Hollywood, Florida now hosts a clothing-optional five-course dinner on the first Monday of each month, with tickets running $150 to $300. Guests receive a robe, a towel, and a seat cover. House rules prohibit, quote, touchy-feely stuff.

#7The Groaner

Did you hear about the man who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the no-bell prize.