The Lighter Side — Saturday, August 29, 2026 at 4:15 PM

#1The Monologue

Nvidia has reportedly agreed to buy the open-source AI platform Hugging Face for twelve point nine billion dollars. It's the largest acquisition in the company's history — which means Nvidia has now spent thirteen billion dollars to own a face made of punctuation. Re: CNBC — Nvidia agrees to buy Hugging Face for $12.9 billion

A federal judge in San Francisco ruled this week that the Pentagon acted unlawfully when it labeled the AI company Anthropic a supply chain risk. The judge called the designation arbitrary and capricious — so the Defense Department now has to explain, in writing, why it was scared of a chatbot. Re: CNBC — Judge blocks Pentagon blacklist of Anthropic

NFL teams face the deadline to trim ninety-man rosters down to fifty-three this weekend, meaning more than eleven hundred players will be released in about forty-eight hours. League officials describe the process as difficult, emotional, and necessary — the same three words I use about cleaning out the garage. Re: NFL.com — NFL roster cuts tracker

#2Three Men Launch A Fourth Man 92 Feet Into The Air

Three men leapt onto a giant inflatable airbag on a lake in Brunnen, Switzerland, launching a fourth man, Robin Steiner, to a Guinness-verified height of ninety-two and a half feet — a new world record for the sport known as blobbing. The previous record, set in 2012, was seventy-two feet.

#3Cheese Ball Spill Snarls A Los Angeles Freeway

A pickup truck lost roughly one hundred twenty containers of cheese balls onto the westbound 105 Freeway in Lynwood, California on Tuesday evening. The California Highway Patrol reported that delays were worsened by drivers stopping on the freeway to collect the undamaged containers.

#4Swiss Gardener Grows A Chili Pepper Longer Than A Rolling Pin

Jürg Wiesli of Switzerland has broken the Guinness World Record for longest chili pepper for the third time, with a specimen measuring one foot, eight point six inches. He starts the seeds indoors in March under grow lights and moves them outside after the last frost.

#5Meanwhile, In Satire

'Ring Launches Streaming Service' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/ring-launches-streaming-service/

'Worm Girl Asks Worm Boyfriend If He'd Still Love Her If She Were A Human' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/worm-girl-asks-worm-boyfriend-if-hed-still-love-her-if-she-were-a-human

'Andrew Tate is just a bloke who lies on the Internet for money, insists Andrew Tate' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/08/26/andrew-tate-is-just-a-bloke-who-lies-on-the-internet-for-money-insists-andrew-tate/

'Five Things You Should Never Say to Henry Rollins While Playing Hungry Hungry Hippos Against Him' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/blog/five-things-you-should-never-say-to-henry-rollins-while-playing-hungry-hungry-hippos-against-him/

#6Indiana Spends Four Hours Hunting Lions That Weren't There

Deputies in Madison and Hancock Counties, Indiana spent four hours searching for two large exotic cats after a resident reported seeing a three-hundred-pound lioness in a blue harness accompanied by a cub. Ground units and thermal drones found nothing.

#7The Groaner

I tried to catch some fog this morning. Mist.