The Lighter Side — Friday, August 7, 2026 at 4:15 PM

#1The Monologue

President Trump signed two new executive orders targeting birthright citizenship this week — his second attempt at the policy, arriving just five weeks after the Supreme Court struck down his first one. The Fourteenth Amendment has been on the books since 1868. It is, at this point, very comfortable with waiting.
Re: Trump signs new orders targeting birthright citizenship — NPR

Amazon's Zoox robotaxi will begin collecting fares in Las Vegas this Sunday. The vehicle operates with no steering wheel and no pedals, meaning if anything goes wrong, there is nothing to grab onto — which is reportedly very similar to the experience of trusting Amazon with anything else in your life.
Re: Amazon's Zoox to launch paid robotaxi service in Las Vegas — CNBC

The European Union's new AI transparency law took effect this week, requiring all chatbots to disclose they are not human. Companies have until December to comply... giving every AI in Europe several months to carefully practice saying "I am not a person" in a way that does not sound suspicious.
Re: Explained: The EU's new rules on AI, deepfakes and chatbots — The Local

#2Spider-Man Screening Evacuated Over Flatulence Odor

A sold-out screening of Spider-Man: Brand New Day at a multiplex in Cartagena, Colombia was evacuated on August 2nd after an overwhelming odor widely attributed to flatulence drove hundreds of moviegoers into the lobby. Staff declined to cancel the screening, though most audience members declined to return.

#397-Year-Old Wing Walker Breaks Her Own World Record

Betty Bromage of Cheltenham, England, wing-walked atop a biplane at 97 years and 127 days old this week, breaking the Guinness World Record she herself set last year — one year after suffering a stroke. It was her sixth time wing-walking; she took up the hobby at 87.

#4Marmot Hitchhikes 75 Miles in Alberta Man's Car

Chris Ratzlaff of Airdrie, Alberta, discovered a large marmot had stowed away in his car and quietly hitched a 75-mile ride — apparently having wandered into his garage unnoticed. His child spotted the animal upon arrival.

#5Meanwhile, In Satire

'Antichrist Rolls Eyes Throughout Peter Thiel Lecture' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/antichrist-rolls-eyes-throughout-peter-thiel-lecture/

'New DNC Fundraising Email Urges Voters To Find Something Better To Do With Their Money' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/new-dnc-fundraising-email-urges-voters-to-find-something-better-to-do-with-their-money/

'Jesus Ignites Fierce Debate By Feeding 5,000 People For Under $20' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/jesus-ignites-fierce-debate-by-feeding-5000-people-for-under-20/

'Adorable Dog Mayor of Small Town Approves Data Center' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/culture/adorable-dog-mayor-of-small-town-approves-data-center/

#6Florida Steakhouse Offers Monthly Nude Dining Experience

C.L.A.S.S. Soiree Steakhouse in Hollywood, Florida, has launched a monthly clothing-optional dinner event featuring a five-course meal, filet mignon, Florida lobster tail, and a champagne toast. The city confirmed the events are legal; each guest receives a robe, a towel, and a personal seat cover.

#7The Groaner

I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.