#1The Monologue
Apple is reportedly working on AirPods with built-in cameras, so the AI can see whatever you're looking at. Finally, a company that understands the one thing missing from my ears — eyes. Re: Top Tech News Today, August 18, 2026 — Tech Startups
A chip startup called Etched is now valued at twenty-one billion dollars. Twenty-one billion. For context, that's roughly one billion dollars for every person who can explain what the company does. Re: Top Tech News Today, August 18, 2026 — Tech Startups
Voters headed to the polls today for primary elections in Florida. Turnout is expected to be light, humid — and, in at least one precinct, briefly interrupted by wildlife. Re: Headlines for August 18, 2026 — Democracy Now!
A Harlan County, Kentucky woman left her front door open for airflow and woke to find a black bear had let itself in, eaten her leftover fried chicken, and destroyed a glass table on the way out.
Luka, a Japanese macaque, escaped Scotland's Highland Wildlife Park, was spotted wandering near Newtonmore, and then simply walked back to the park by himself.
About 150 corgis from nine countries competed in Vilnius in sprinting, costume, nose-work, and competitive barking. An American entrant named Gustave the Girl Dog took the twenty-five meter title.
A Florida man broke his own Guinness World Record by sinking a miniature basketball shot from 102 feet, beating a record he had personally set earlier.
#7The Groaner
I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia. She leaned in and whispered — "they're right behind you."
