#1The Monologue
October's inflation report came in hotter than forecast, with food prices up half a percent and baby formula posting its largest monthly increase ever recorded — so for the first time in American history, the infants are the ones with a legitimate grievance about the economy. Re: Yahoo Finance — October CPI rises 0.4% as food and rent costs spike
Tesla announced it will wind down Cybertruck production in mid-2027 after selling roughly a tenth of what the factory was built to produce — a vehicle designed to survive the apocalypse, undone by the one thing it never planned for... customers. Re: CNN Business — Tesla set to wind down production of Cybertruck
The Minnesota Vikings traded a third-round pick to Las Vegas to reacquire quarterback Kirk Cousins, whom they previously allowed to leave — which makes the Vikings the only franchise in professional sports currently running a nostalgia tour. Re: Yahoo Sports — Vikings trade for QB Kirk Cousins
A video shot Saturday near 7 Mile shows two men leading a pair of horses onto a Detroit Department of Transportation bus and back out the rear door. DDOT has opened an investigation, noting that only service animals are permitted, and that they must sit in a lap or on the floor.
Roughly 250 people gathered at Millennium Park on Sunday, summoned by flyers claiming a latch door under Cloud Gate could be reached if the sculpture were shifted seven inches to the left, freeing a man said to be trapped inside. The 110-ton, anchored steel sculpture did not move.
A Change.org petition with more than 500 signatures accuses the Caldwell Zoo in Tyler, Texas, of seasonal decor involving headless figures, towering skeletons and glowing red eyes during regular daytime hours. The zoo says guest opinions are heard and will be taken into account for future events.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Google Withholds Search For Schools That Ban AI' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/google-withholds-search-for-schools-that-ban-ai/
'Church Drummer Accidentally Summons Demon While Attempting To Play In 6/8 Time' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/church-drummer-accidentally-summons-demon-while-attempting-to-play-in-68-time
'Businesses warn publishing salaries will attract applicants who are only interested in being paid' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/11/09/businesses-warn-publishing-salaries-will-attract-applicants-who-are-only-interested-in-being-paid/
'Okay, Nathan Fielder — Now Do Lars Ulrich' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/blog/okay-nathan-fielder-now-do-lars-ulrich/
The Greenville County Sheriff's Office released video of deputies attempting to capture a loose emu, which repeatedly outmaneuvered them. The bird was eventually contained.
#7The Groaner
A horse walks onto a city bus. The driver looks back and says — why the long commute?
