#1The Monologue
Chipmakers had their worst day in nineteen months this week, with roughly two and a half trillion dollars in market value evaporating because investors suddenly got nervous about how many data centers America is going to build. So the artificial intelligence that was going to replace all of us — got spooked by an election. Re: CNBC
The FAA proposed streamlining rocket launch rules this week, with the stated goal of getting the United States from 178 launches a year to at least a thousand by 2030. Which means that by the end of the decade, your flight to Denver will be delayed by traffic — vertical traffic. Re: Reuters via The Star
Mira Murati's AI startup Thinking Machines Lab is reportedly closing a five billion dollar round at a forty billion dollar valuation, down from the fifty billion it wanted last year. Somewhere out there is a founder consoling himself that his company is only worth forty billion dollars — and I'd like him to know that my sympathy has a ceiling. Re: Dataconomy
Researchers reviewing September photos near Anticosti Island, Quebec, found that a 38-year-old North Atlantic right whale named Silt had an entirely unrecorded calf swimming next to her, pushing the season's birth count to 24 — the highest since 2009.
Joe Macken spent 21 years building a balsa wood and foam board scale model of New York City containing roughly 800,000 structures across all five boroughs. After his TikTok videos pulled millions of views in a week, the Museum of the City of New York made it an exhibit.
The Onion's CEO confirmed the satirical paper came close to purchasing naming rights to the New Orleans Bowl, prepared to pay mid six figures, as a marketing strategy for its print edition. The plan is reportedly still alive.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Nation Watches Helplessly As 2028 Election Cycle Begins' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/nation-watches-helplessly-as-2028-election-cycle-begins/
'Dozens Come To Faith After Church Purchases Golf Simulator' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/dozens-come-to-faith-after-church-purchases-golf-simulator
'David Walliams launches right-wing conspiracy theory podcast' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/11/06/david-walliams-launches-right-wing-conspiracy-theory-podcast-2/
'Liberal Punk Band Writes Strongly Worded Letter Addressed to The Machine' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/music/punk-hardcore/liberal-punk-band-writes-strongly-worded-letter-addressed-to-the-machine/
Caldwell County, North Carolina deputies are seeking a getaway vehicle that surveillance footage shows wrapped entirely in blue tarps during a string of store break-ins across three counties. The internet named the vehicle the TarpMobile and its driver Tarpoleon Dynamite.
#7The Groaner
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you."
