#1The Monologue
Tesla confirmed this week that it will wind down production of the Cybertruck by mid-2027, ending the run of the stainless-steel pickup after years of hype. The company says it's pivoting the factory line to the autonomous Cybercab — which means the vehicle that couldn't be dented is being replaced by one that can't be driven. Re: Tesla set to wind down production of Cybertruck — CNN
An unsealed FTC complaint alleges Amazon quietly marked up advertising prices as much as fifty percent on a normal day and up to two hundred fifty percent on Prime Day and Black Friday. When advertisers asked whether something had changed with the auction, Amazon told them it was just increased competition — and technically that's true, because they were competing with Amazon. Re: New Details Emerge in Amazon Ads Auction-Rigging Case — U.S. Federal Trade Commission
The 2026 Booker Prize went to eighty-one-year-old M. John Harrison for "The End of Everything," making him the oldest winner and the first science-fiction writer to take the award. The judges called the book's themes of catastrophe and apocalypse perfectly attuned to our uneasy times — which is a very polite way of saying they read the news first. Re: 81-year-old sci-fi author M. John Harrison wins the 2026 Booker Prize — CNN
Roughly two hundred fifty people assembled in Chicago's Millennium Park on Sunday to shove Cloud Gate about seven inches to the left, citing a long-running internet claim that a man is trapped inside it. The one-hundred-ten-ton sculpture did not move, no door was found, and a city alderman confirmed nobody has been inside the Bean for twenty-one years.
A farmer in Hoke County, North Carolina, noticed what he took to be an unfamiliar fence post on his property and discovered on closer inspection that it was an escaped boa constrictor. The snake had been standing there long enough to be mistaken for infrastructure.
Brenda Willison, town crier of Peterborough since 1987, has been awarded two Guinness World Records after shouting "oyez" at one hundred five point nine decibels. She has stated publicly that this was not her loudest.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
"Bain Capital Acquires Tibetan Buddhism For $35 Million" — The Onion, https://theonion.com/bain-capital-acquires-tibetan-buddhism-for-35-million/
"Elf On The Shelf Outed As Chinese Spy" — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/elf-on-the-shelf-outed-as-chinese-spy
"Gunpowder plotte was ye false flagge, sayeth 17th century conspiracy theorists" — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/11/05/gunpowder-plotte-was-ye-false-flagge-sayeth-17th-century-conspiracy-theorists-2/
"Five Planets Train Totally Snubbed While Writing 'Drops of Jupiter'" — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/blog/five-planets-train-totally-snubbed-while-writing-drops-of-jupiter/
Animal control officers in Thompson, Connecticut, responded to reports of an emu running down Thompson Hill Road and eventually cornered the bird in a resident's backyard. Officials then spent the afternoon trying to figure out whose emu it was.
#7The Groaner
I asked the librarian whether they had any books on paranoia. She leaned in and whispered, "They're right behind you."
