#1The Monologue
The United States and Iran both chose not to attack each other for a second straight day Sunday, as peace talks continue in Oman. Diplomats say the mood is cautiously optimistic — which, given recent months, apparently passes for good news. Re: U.S. pauses attacks on Iran for a second straight day — NPR
Spain won the FIFA World Cup, defeating Argentina in extra time, and President Trump was photographed with the victorious squad during celebrations. Spanish fans reportedly said Trump stayed in the frame longer than expected. In Spain's defense — they're used to waiting. They won in extra time. Re: Spain fans say Trump lingered too long in team's photo-op — CBS News
President Trump returned to the rescheduled White House Correspondents' Dinner on Friday and delivered an hour-long speech that attacked journalists, Democrats, comedians, and, by several accounts, members of his own cabinet. The Correspondents' Association thanked him for attending... and called it a night. Re: White House Correspondents' Dinner — NPR
Traffic cameras in Jonesboro, Arkansas caught a man in a full Spider-Man costume jumping out of his Jeep to push a wheelchair user safely across six lanes of traffic. He was subsequently awarded a city medallion by the mayor. The man works at a trampoline park where it was Superhero Day.
Residents of Gold Hill, Colorado endured a night of steady horn honking traced to a black bear that had locked itself inside a parked SUV. The bear spent hours in the driver's seat, set off the airbag, tore off a side panel, and was eventually freed by a neighbor with a long rope.
Australian authorities seized more than 100,000 illegal exotic cockroaches from a commercial breeder in Bathurst, New South Wales — the largest invertebrate bust in the country's history. The two species involved cannot legally be imported, kept, or bred in Australia. All 100,000 will be euthanized.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
"One-Week Sober Man Thought All Problems Would Be Fixed By Now" — The Onion, theonion.com
"'That's All I'm Saying,' Repeats Man Who Keeps Saying More Stuff" — The Onion, theonion.com
"Pride Month Comes To End After Extra Time" — The Babylon Bee, babylonbee.com
"New Minister for Getting Damn Funky Pledges to Make the Country 75 Percent Funkier by End of Year" — NewsThump, newsthump.com
Two humanoid robots developed by Russian company IT-Imperial were wed in a ceremony at Moscow's Pushkin Library, exchanging pre-programmed vows and symbolic bracelets delivered by a robotic dog. The groom robot is an office worker; the bride is a ballerina. Organizers described the event as a technology demonstration with no legal standing.
#7The Groaner
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
