#1The Monologue
Andrew Tate, who has spent several years arguing that real men answer to no authority, was arrested by U.S. Marshals in Miami on Friday. He and his brother Tristan are now in federal detention awaiting extradition to the United Kingdom... where someone, apparently, can hold them.
Re: NPR
Ukrainian President Zelenskyy dismissed his top military commander, General Syrskyi, this weekend, following days of street protests demanding the general's removal. Analysts called it a significant signal. The general's calendar had, in fact... already been cleared.
Re: NBC Nightly News, July 19
The United States and Iran exchanged military strikes over the weekend in what officials are describing as a significant escalation. When asked whether Congress had been consulted beforehand, the White House confirmed Congress had been notified... which is a different thing... and everyone appears comfortable with that distinction.
Re: UPI
At the 66th annual Lumberjack World Championships in Hayward, Wisconsin, three women's world records fell over the weekend. Czech competitor Karolina Urbanová set two of them, chopping through eleven inches of white pine in 21.28 seconds. Wisconsin has been doing this since 1960 and shows no sign of stopping.
A fisherman off Phuket, Thailand, rescued a monkey found swimming alone in the open sea Sunday, having traveled more than five kilometers from a nearby island. The fisherman floated a life jacket to the animal, helped it aboard, and gave it fresh water. The monkey has not stated its original destination.
Firefighters and animal control officers in Kentucky coordinated a rescue this weekend after a dog followed a tunnel until it was trapped four feet underground. The dog was recovered safely. What the dog believed was at the end of the tunnel remains unknown and is expected to stay that way.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Study Finds Gen Z Telepaths Lack Attention Span To Read Even Single Mind' — The Onion, theonion.com
'Disaster: VeggieTales Cast Decimated By Cyclospora Outbreak' — The Babylon Bee, babylonbee.com
'Pride Month Comes To End After Extra Time' — The Babylon Bee, babylonbee.com
'England v France 3rd place play off to be watched by at least 20 or 30 people worldwide, insist FIFA' — NewsThump, newsthump.com
Police in the Netherlands responded Sunday to reports of a kangaroo loose near a soccer field in Middenmeer. It was a wallaby named Skippy, who had escaped from a private owner the night before. A veterinarian sedated the animal after officers proved insufficient. Skippy was returned home and no charges are expected to be filed.
#7The Groaner
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
