The Lighter Side — Saturday, July 18, 2026 at 5:00 PM

#1The Monologue

Spain and Argentina meet in tomorrow's World Cup final, and analysts spent all week studying which team's form guide points to victory — a rigorous scientific process also known as... guessing. Re: Al Jazeera: World Cup final: Spain vs Argentina — which team has the best chance to win?

Andy Burnham has been declared Labour leader and on Monday becomes Britain's seventh prime minister in a decade — at this point 10 Downing Street doesn't bother changing the locks... it just keeps everything on the guest wifi. Re: CNN: Andy Burnham will be Britain's seventh leader in a decade

Astronomers confirmed an atmosphere on a potentially habitable rocky planet 49 light-years away — so there is now officially a listing with air, moderate temperatures, and no neighbors... and it's still more attainable than a starter home. Re: Science: Astronomers spot first atmosphere around a potentially habitable alien world

#2Firefighters hoist pony from muddy Pennsylvania creek

A 700-to-800-pound pony wandered into a Brecknock Township creek, got stuck in deep mud, and had to be strapped up and lifted out by volunteer firefighters using a bucket truck. The fire company noted that not every emergency involves a fire or a vehicle.

#331,075 skydivers break one-day world record

World Skydiving Day organizers confirmed that 31,075 coordinated jumps across 43 countries broke the world record for most skydives in a single day, beating the 2024 mark of 30,351. The event included everyone from veterans to first-time tandem jumpers.

#4San Diego Zoo hatches rare echidna twins

The San Diego Zoo Safari Park announced the first echidna "twins" — baby echidnas are called puggles — ever hatched from the same mother in the same season at a North American AZA facility. One puggle is being raised by mom in an underground burrow; the smaller one is being hand-raised by veterinarians on a formula schedule optimized by regular stomach ultrasounds.

#5Meanwhile, In Satire

'More Affluent Americans Beating Heat By Summering On Cooler Planet' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/more-affluent-americans-beating-heat-by-summering-on-cooler-planet/

'Civil Engineer Really Starting To Regret Building City On Rock & Roll' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/civil-engineer-really-starting-to-regret-building-city-on-rock--roll

'England v France 3rd place play off to be watched by at least 20 or 30 people worldwide, insist FIFA' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/07/18/england-v-france-3rd-place-play-off-to-be-watched-by-at-least-20-or-30-people-worldwide-insist-fifa/

'Heart Reveal They Were Challenged To Name Five of Their Own Songs Before Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/music/rock/heart-reveal-they-were-challenged-to-name-five-of-their-own-songs-before-rock-and-roll-hall-of-fame-induction/

#6Mystery emu still at large in Mississippi

Animal control officers in Pearl River County, Mississippi, are searching for the owner of an emu spotted wandering near Pea Ridge Road — the bird remains on the loose and nobody knows where it came from. Officials ask anyone with information on the emu's owner, or its current whereabouts, to contact local authorities.

#7The Groaner

I gave my scarecrow a promotion this week... he was outstanding in his field.